2. Your computer periodically turns random files into gibberish. You:

	sue Intel because you read that they made those messed-up Pentium chips with that whatchamacallit "floating point processing errors." Sure your machine is a MacIntosh 30SE, but it could be Intel's fault and you've read that the courts don't look too carefully at claims in class action suits.
	cross-post whiny complaints to every newsgroup you can spell. Attach a file that people can download to protest this outrage to their local congressman. Make sure the file doesn't list any info about who the members of congress are. Make sure the file won't extract properly on any machine on any platform, unless it happens to be networked directly to your college's mainframe (which was donated by NCR in 1983.)
	take your CPU apart and disconnect and reconnect the wires for every drive bay. Reformat your hard drive. Reinstall all your software. Call 900#s for "tech support" (I'm Candii and I want you to tell me now big your hard drive is. Ooooooh, I just love a CPU with hardcore processing power and 64 Megs of RAM.) Stick pencils in your cooling fans. Replace any boards you have caused to catch fire. Fantasize about suing MicroSoft when you discover the problem is a lack of compatibility between their Windows NT operating system and Adobe Type Manager, the industry standard for fonts.

3. Every time you go to a dark smoky club which plays a goth-industrial mix, you find yourself discussing:

	how you dropped the keys to your Porsche somewhere on the dance floor and then going home with someone drunker than you.
	how the DJ always plays the same songs every week in the same order and then going home with someone as kewl as you.
	the specs for your computer and then going home with the same antisocial fuck you came with.