(More Hard-Won Wisdom from Your Kindly Uncle William)
I'm learning about New Year's resolutions, slowly.
Here are a few basic rules to help you keep yours intact:
No Specifics - Be vague. No "I'll only smoke pot/crack/cock/pedestrians
on Fridays and Saturdays after work." Stick with "I'll be more responsible
about my blackouts."
Nothing to do with Alcohol - Deathbed conversions and hangover penitence
are strictly for pussies. I don't care if you woke up in a trough of your
own vomit, out of doors with a leg missing. Stick with "I'll be more
responsible about my blackouts."
Nothing with a Deadline - "I'll have a flat stomach by
June" is okay if you don't specify a year. "If my boyfriend
doesn't have a job by March, I'm throwing him out of my mom's house"
is fine if you mean last year.
Nothing to do with Other People - "I'll fuck so-and-so's
man/woman/dog/lunch" depends too much on so-and-so not sticking
to "I'll be more responsible about my blackouts." You can
only count on other people's weakness up to the point were it starts
to matter.
