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Hit Ech
by your nasty-ass nephew And·rew Greenberg
Your lovely editrix Amelia said that since I work with computers, I would be
just the person to write something for this issue of BLT. So here's my take
on New Year's resolutions. I'm tired of all these lose fat/stop smoking, bogus,
give-me-something- else-to-break-so-I-can-continue- hating-myself promises. I
have never broken my resolutions (including the one about lying) and thought I
should share these can't miss, improve-your-life-in-ten- minutes-or-less,
be-the-first-on-your-block-to-own-one resolutions with you, the reading audience.
- I resolve to see more bands - and throw more stuff at the shitty ones. (Resolved while watching Dash Rip Rock at the Cotton Club. How can a band have like four pretty good songs and fifty really crappy ones?)
- I resolve to fantasize more about donut chasers and their nightsticks. (Hey, these are for you, not me.)
- I resolve to wear a condom every time I leave the house. (Safety, safety, safety.)
- I resolve to stop shoving pork rinds up my anus. (Look, we all know it's fun, but just think of where those rinds have been. A pig is a filthy animal.)
- I resolve to join the Sarah Fan Club and write more for BLT. Get started. Right now. This minute. (Make your check for $10 payable to Andrew Greenberg at SFC, 5002 N Royal Atlanta Dr, Suite H, Atlanta, GA 30084 and you could win one of Sarah's g-strings. No lie. I made a resolution about lying.)
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