I can think of three New Years's resolutions that lasted longer than three days,
and I think that counts as kept. The usual half-life is six hours.
Anyway, in 1992 I resolved not to drink on New Year's for the rest of my life.
This is easy, actually, since I have a thoroughly perverse nature. It has nothing
to do with waking up naked next to ex-girlfriends or with emergency-room level
hangovers, neither of which has ever effected a lasting change in my behavior. I
just feel that national drinking holidays are for amateurs.
In 1993, I resolved not to get into relationships with people I wasn't
passionate about. This got me a girlfriend nearly ten years my junior
and all the trimmings.
In 1994, I resolved to control my desire for revenge on my recently
ex-girlfriend, and I in fact did not sleep with all of her friends,
slander her name up and down the coast, hunt her down and torture her
to death, or pretend that I was still friends with her so that I could
insidiously ruin her life. I also waited until 1995 to write pissy BLT
articles about her. All her friends hate her now anyway.
In 1995, I pretty much decided that keeping New Year's resolutions was
costing me dignity and tooth enamel. I made a few and intend to
break them real hard.
New Year's Resolutions I've Kept