Do you normally roam the streets at night accosting strangers for desirable items? Maybe? But only when you know you have really dependable back-up, right? Well, Halloween is, in the final analysis, still a day like most others and if you knock on strangers' doors and make demands, you could get hurt. So here are some suggestions for safe alternative activities:
(1) Get a bunch of your teenage pals together. Tell their parents you are having a safe night at the Y. Kind of like for prom, only earlier. Have sex in your car. That lunatic with the hook probably won't get you.
(2) Get a bunch of your college pals together. Make sure that nobody in the group is dating anyone else in the group. Go camp in the nearest large graveyard. Do not huddle together for warmth. That would ruin your opportunities to spend the next two weeks explaining how you got walking pneumonia.
(3) Get a bunch of your unruly pals together. Go to Denny's. Do not wear costumes. Do not leave when the "hostess" seats you in those benches in front and explains that it will be a seven hour wait for a table. Ask all passers-by what they think of your rap/metal-crazed killer and junkie whore costumes. You might not get beaten-up by truck drivers.
(4) Get a bunch of your adrenaline-addict pals together. Eat all the candy your junior high school age girlfriend's mom purchased for Halloween. Metro into SE DC and compete to see who can do the best Henry Rollins impression. You might not be the victim of an actual drive-by.
(5) Get a hold of your younger relations or dates or which ever children are most convenient and take them trick-or-treating. Make them pay you a food tax for the service of getting them permission to stalk the neighbors even after dark. I mean, so long as they have a responsible adult chaperone like you, I would imagine they'd be safe staying out later. Worst case scenario: you deep throat a razor blade. Hey, you only love once.
