Vandals are often misunderstood. Take myself for example. In my junior year of High School I was sitting in my chemistry class. My seat was in close proximity to a lab station. A classmate and I were engaged in an extra-curricular discussion as to the bonding strength and curing time of cyanoacrylate. I remarked on its excessive strength and my now ex-friend stated that he did not believe me. So I produced a bottle of CYA glue (better known as Krazy GlueTM, although significantly larger and more tenacious versions can be gotten from any Remote Control airplane shop). A quick and very light coat of this wonder substance along the top inside edge of one of the lab station drawers was more than adequate to prove my claim of “Guaranteed of mayhem in 15 seconds.” No sooner had I closed the drawer and the bottle and replaced the glue in my book bag, than the most aggressive tug would not budge the drawer. A friend who had the same class, only later in the day, related his attempts (and the teacher's) to open the drawer. A picturesque cartoon scene: both hands on the handle, a foot on either side, and his ass being about 2 feet off the ground, pulling as hard as he could. The teacher found me out, though. But I escaped punishment with a water based glue remover that undid my experiment as quickly as I set it up. And to think that I almost got in trouble for a class-related conversation with demonstration.

In another class we had a teacher who was habitually late to first period. We had ways of dealing with him too. The doors to our class seemed particularly vulnerable. Hinges on the hall side, single dead bolt, and tight door jam. We did everything we could thing of to deep the doors closed, and with the doors the class. We penny locked the door. A process by which one inserts pennies between the door and doorjamb, thusly wedging it shut. We retested the “Chemistry Drawer” theory. Once, we used a small welding torch and fine electronic solder to immobilize the lock tumblers. Perhaps the most amusing was when Red Loctite was used on the hinges. It was amusing due to the fact that no cause was able to be determined until after a great deal of dismantling and stress. More than one locker fell pray to these methods of sealing.

Despite my dislike for school in general, I truly miss my days of destruction. I no longer have an institution to blame for my grief. So I’m sure that Montgomery County and Maryland State taxes have gone down since my graduation. Besides, being poorly socialized will insure me an eternal bountiful supply of people that bug me.