Hey Kids! Parents threatening to send you to boarding school?
Just show them this totally true description of my year at
boarding school and explain that it is a contest to see who
can do worse. They might chain you in the basement, but at
least you want have to wear an ugly uniform. When I was fourteen,
I believe my stepmom said she would not move in with her husband
(my dad) unless he sent me to boarding school . . .
Month 1: Sulked. Hated everyone. Checked Stephen King's Night Shift out of the library. Wrote three letters a day to my boyfriend.
Month 2: Got dumped by boyfriend. Started to enjoy Night Shift. Wrote five letters a day to my ex-boyfriend.
Month 3: Went home on break. Saw Pink Floyd's The Wall. Went back to school. Bought seven Pink Floyd tapes. Started calling my ex-boyfriend on the phone a lot.
Month 4: Went home for another break. My sister gave me a No-Doz. Went back to school. Bought some No-Doz. Sent my ex-boyfriend a copy of Night Shift and a Pink Floyd tape for Xmas.
Month 5: Decided to stop reading Night Shift because it got in the way of my listening to Pink Floyd. Took lots of No-Doz. My ex-boyfriend decided he loved me again but changed his mind three days later.
Month 6: Decided to devote my life to Pink Floyd. Took handfuls of No-Doz. Refused to talk about anything but Pink Floyd. Everyone said it was a nice change from talking about my ex-boyfriend.
Month 7: Shaved off my eyebrows because the guy in The Wall did it. Didn't sleep much. Spent all my money on No-Doz. Stopped calling my ex-boyfriend at 2am in the morning.
Month 8: Cut my hair very short with a dull pocket knife and died what was left bright orange. Because Pink Floyd wanted me to. Got kicked out of school for my own good. Returned home to find my ex-boyfriend had moved away.
My Boyfriend, Night Shift, Pink Floyd, and No-Doz