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Icky-OOWAWA
by Briannn McKenzie
Healthcare . . . Fuck that noise. Health to me means being of clean and clear mind and better able to understand just why you are a failure! As for care, caring, loving -- FUCK YOU! I'LL NEVER CARE ABOUT ANYTHING AGAIN EXCEPT WHEN MY DEALER IS GETTING HIS NEXT SHIPMENT!
I'm a bike messenger, okay. People assume because I have a fabulous bod (if I do say so myself) that I'm health-conscious. HA, HA, HA, HA-HA, HA!
A twelve-pack a day and then some 40+ cigarettes and more speed than YOU could ever handle is what keeps me motivated! I also usually down about 6 Big Macs and 10 Pepsis a day.
Some say I'm tense, but they usually don't say much else after I punch their fucking teeth down their throat. My diet is healthy for me, certainly in a psychological sense. You see, I'm a fuck-up (I'm a bike messenger for Christ's sake!), and being able to forget that is a glorious and wonderfully euphoric experience.
I would highly recommend this diet to anyone . . . well, mostly because I don't give an ant's-shit about most people I know. So, if your girlfriend decides she likes the thought of you miserable or dead or your hair is just not growing out of a bad haircut quickly enough . . . come on over. We'll party. We'll drink a toast to health.
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