Imagine, if you will, a job where you can always be drunk, strung-out on drugs (which are occasionally supplied by your boss) and be as rude and obnoxious to people as you like! No, I'm not speaking of a career as a secretary. Be a courier, asshole. All you need to begin is to steal a bike and a big chain to fight-off stressed-out business types who are always uptight because they never get as much pussy or drugs as they would like to because they are so busy sucking up to their boss to keep their piss-ass, low-pay, ineffectual "gofer" position that only has one perk and that's being allowed into the executive bar where they can shout aloud to the bartender to make them some weird drink that no one has ever heard of at which point they begin to describe in their most audible voice how they discovered this mixture whilst travelling from Italy to Switzerland in their Porsche to visit their rich, ex-patriot father, all just to impress some big-haired, large-breasted, vacant, sub-normal, exec-bar whore so she'll give him a bad blow-job in the parking lot on the promise that he'll fly her to Hawaii for two weeks if she performs well.

Well, my young, green-haired friend, you'll not have to worry about such bullshit. Young punk-rock chicks are always hanging out at DuPont Circle wanting to fuck punk-rock bikers. Really, they'll want your drugs, but you can get your dick wet and pass off crushed aspirin as speed to the younger ones. And best yet, you'll make enough money to get an apartment next to your favorite club. Now, instead of screwing suburban club-goers in the last stall of the girls bathroom, you can fuck them in your very own pissed-in rat trap!

It's perfect. Hate people. Hate life. And get paid!