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by Maggie Leslie
Shooting yourself in the head, hanging yourself in your room, overdoses, they all seem so passe, so overused, so 1992. Here are some unique ways of killing yourself, many of which have the advantage of making it look like someone else's fault so you could conceivably get other people in trouble for your suicide:
- Have your boyfriend give you a coat hanger abortion and hemorrhage to death at a pro-choice rally.
- Shoot yourself in the stomach and sit in the doorway of a hospital with a note pinned to yourself reading, "I have no health insurance and AIDS."
- Give yourself a heroin overdose at a NORML concert.
- Pour A-1 on yourself and throw into the lion cage at the zoo.
- (Along the same lines) cover yourself in peanut butter and go sleep in DC's infamous Rat Park (located at the end of F Street NW near the 930 Club).
- Put your mohawk up and all of your leather on and go into Hillbilly Heaven on Route One and start yelling about how much you hate rednecks but you would really like to fuck one.
- Tell Scott and Steve all about how much happier their lives would be if they gave themselves to ritualized mainstream religion and helping others.
- Go to a skinhead concert wearing a tie-dyed American skinhead t-shirt with your hair in dreadlocks and punch a few of the oi-boys in the face while moshing. (I know someone who tried this and it would have worked too, if his friends hadn't made him turn the shirt inside-out.)
- Fly Eastern
- Listen to 100 straight hours of Joy Division albums.
- Show up at a KKK rally wearing a pink sheet with a lamda on the front.
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