I was dating this girl a couple of years ago. Without getting into the gory details, we were quite a hot item, very intense relationship at this point. One day, she picked me up from the Metro and we were in her car.
"We have to go and visit my mom for a while. It's been a while since I visited and I want her to meet you."
"Okay."
At this point, I took out my wallet to check on my money situation for our plans later. My girlfriend noticed when my Elvis picture fell out.
"Oh wow! My mom likes Elvis too." This was significant.
We get to her mom's house in a red neck community somewhere southwest of Manassas. The house was a white one level with the paint chipping off in places. We go in and there's her mom and her boyfriend on the couch watching soaps. Her mom jumps up and gives her a hug and gives me one too. Her mom was cool, don't get me wrong, she was extremely nice. She even exclaimed to her daughter how cute I was. Then, my girlfriend said the magic phrase that bonded me to her mom: "Chris likes Elvis too, Mom!"
I saw the kitchen that held the entire set of Bradford Exchange Elvis Collector Plates, the velvet Elvises, and all the other Elvis paraphernalia. I was trapped. I sat down and looked through all of Mom's Elvis records as they were handed to me and discussed the merits of the different stages in "THE KING's" career. After a while, my girlfriend and her mom went away to chat while I was left with Trailer Trash Travis. It went kinda like this:
"I was in the service stationed in Germany in the early seventies . . . Damn! I loved the place, I drank so much beer, I saw Black Sabbath over there. I was on leave for three days and there I was, drunk, stoned, tripping, and watching Ozzy. He was, right there, in that tasseled jacket. I mean that was heavy! Not like that shit metal now. Black Sabbath has to be one of the greatest American bands ever!"
I didn't want to argue. He told me about a Led Zeppelin show in Munich where he "fucked the living shit out of three hot Kraut chicks that thought I was Jim Morrison."
My ear then focussed on a scene brewing outside where ol' mom was explaining to the guy she was seeing on the side that now was not a good time to come inside. He began to yell "You bitch! You fucking whore! Don't you fucking do this shit to me! No one fucking makes ME look fucking stupid!" While all this was going on, the Boyfriend I had to talk to remained oblivious to everything that was going on. I don't see how. The guy outside was loud and right outside the window where both of us could plainly see him. This guy had no clue; he was busy telling me what a hot fuck my girlfriend's mom was. He also told me, quite secretively, that he regularly cheats on the 
woman but he would never tell her. All this while, the brawny side dish was outside screaming. The indoor boyfriend had no shame; he proceeded to ask me about how good the "snatch" I was with was.
"I would love to grab at that ass!" I was in Hell.
My beloved girlfriend came back with her mom a little later, and we left. I was soooooooooooooo happy.
by Chris with Hair