|
|
 | | |
|
|
Brave New Costume Designs for the New World Order
by Max and Drew1
The Ross Perot Costume
The Ross Perot look can be attained by going to the nearest
Star Trek convention and ripping the Vulcan ears off of the
nearest Trekkie. Then staple these perpendicular to the sides
of your head. This will allow you to obtain the maximum wind
resistance possible, as to not be swept away by more experienced
candidates. For the proper Perot look, amputate your legs from
the kneecaps down. This simple process can be achieved with
any number of products available at your local Hechingers at
their every day low prices.
The L.A. Riot Look
Drive up to your local Taco Bell. I firmly suggest borrowing
the family car or your best friend's, instead of using your
own. Dress in your usual fashion: leather jacket, black
eye liner, combat boots, and if applicable with your mohawk
up. Wait for the large group of rednecks, metalheads, or
renegade assholes who will show up and say, "Hey faggit, where'd
ya get yo hair cut at." You then reply, "When any of you think
you're man enough to take my dick in your mouth, come over and
talk to me." They will run over and drag you from your car and
beat you profusely. This is a tried and true method, tested by
our personal staff of masochists.2
The Sinead O'Connor Look
This is an easy costume for those of you who are less motivated.
Simply shave your head and make a supply of photocopies of the
Pope equal to the number of houses that you plan to visit.
Next, write on the back of your jacket, "The Pope sucks dead
menstruating donkeys dry." Now go trick or treating and for
each house you visit, give them a ripped up picture of the
Pope in return for candy. In the morning, you will find out
where all the Roman Catholics are in your area.3
If you're planning to stay in for Halloween and terrorize the youth
that pollute your neighborhood, refer back to "Trick or Treat Bonanza"
in last year's Halloween issue of BLT.4
1 They were prepared to be billed as Kid Gothic and Vladimir Dracovitch, King of Mars, but I felt you, the readers, had the right to know.
2 Any DC folks remember Pete? Real square jaw, blond hair, very hot, very sexy, wore fishnets and danced in a gay bar.
3 This seems like a good time to point out that the views of our contributors do not always match those of editorial. This publication is in no way intended to attack anyone's deeply held religious beliefs (unless you are one of those space elves who go to science fiction conventions and claim you were much cooler and much less fat in a past life.)
4 Back issues of BLT, when available, may be purchased for the low low price of $2 a piece. The phone numbers of Max and Drew may be purchased for $50 each, with a 20% discount to Roman Catholics.
|
| | | | |
|
|
